Friday, December 21, 2012

I May Get A Face Tattoo.

Recently it's been brought to my attention that I am not 'dangerous enough'.  That statement was brought on by a sneaky set up that one of us was not in the know about (him) and then when later grilled as to what he thought of the girl that randomly showed up at his aunt's home for Thanksgiving, following his sister around like a scared kitten, the phrase, 'Not dangerous enough for me' was born.  This statement confused his sister leaving her to ask 'What does that even mean??' but I knew exactly what it meant.  And of all the rejections I've had in my 28 years of existence it's actually one I'm okay with. If I can be described as anything, 'dangerous' is certainly not going to be one of them.  The following are examples on behavior that makes me feel dangerous:

- Making eye contact with a hitch hiker.

- Sometimes forgetting to brush my teeth before I go to bed at night.

- Online dating.

- Watching scary movies at night, in an empty house, that is most definitely already haunted.

- Eating at buffets.

- Paying my cell phone bill 2 hours before deadline.

- Dying my hair shades that may not be natural for most people...that aren't aliens or mystical ponies.

- Eating raw cookie dough.

- Eating Taco Bell.

I. Am. Bad. To. The. Bone.  Children cross the street when they see me.  Bikers say to each other, 'Don't cross Mrs. Allison!  That chick be loco!' (also those bikers are in a cartel. obviously.)
So yeah, I'm not the most dangerous person, and I never will be.  I have accepted a life of the good girl and hopefully karma will one day reward me when a man who values that.  And let's face it.  'Not dangerous enough' is WAY better than 'She might have herpes.'  True Story.