Monday, June 17, 2013

Soul Sisters

I'm constantly over powered by 2 dogs, both 10 pounds (wet).  They're like the sisters from 'The Shining' who beckon to you to come play with them.  You know you shouldn't do it.  Turn that Big Wheels around and peddle down the hall as fast as your little legs will carry you, but their cute faces take on an innocent glow and makes you feel bad about ever questioning their motives...and then they strike.  One will 'herd' me around by nipping at my heels while the other takes full advantage of  me trying to save said heels by jumping into my vegetable garden to eat mouthfuls of dirt just to piss me off. 

As you know, this is Audrey.

Did you say bacon?

I imagine everything Audrey says to me is in the bratty voice of an 11 year old.  She frequently tells me I'm not the boss of her, asks why do I hate her, asks when we're going to the mall, and demands to be told how pretty she is on the hour, every hour.  Her super powers are held in her Mohawk.  Until recently I was convinced she was eating the buds off of my rose bush and now she won't let me forget how I falsely accused her.  She karate chops me while we're sleeping.  She claims it's an accident.

This is Sophie. 

                                           What do you mean Vampire Diaries is off for the season?

You should imagine Sophie's voice as Rain Man.  I am convinced she was bred to look like a cross between Zach Galifianakis  and an Ewok.  She has to be in bed by 9 pm or she gets cranky.  She likes playing with her food, hunting unicorns, and chewing on cilantro (not necessarily in that order).  I'm pretty sure she put Metamucil on my grocery list.  Sophie is temporarily staying with us (shout out to Nikki) and has become best friends with Audrey.  They're weird soul sisters who spend most of their time just wandering through the house growling at the top of their lungs for absolutely no reason.  When they meet there's this weird stand off where they just lean again each other, daring each other to be the first to step away.  Like an odd game of Russian Roulette and trust falling.  Her bark can pierce sound barriers.

Sophie hates it when Audrey touches her.  It reminds me of when I was growing up and I would accidentally brush past my sister in the hallway and she would shove me into the wall screaming at me for touching her. (Ah, sisterly love.)  If Audrey walks past Sophie to get anywhere and touches her in the slightest way, Sophie growls, snaps, and moves away like Audrey smells of poo.  This entices Audrey to do it again.   And again.  And AGAIN. 

Today Audrey was under the covers and Sophie decided she was going to lay down on top of that weird lump.  The lump was Audrey's head.  Audrey growled, Sophie smiled and dug in deeper. 

Do I have a point to these stories?  Not really.  Just that these dogs are awesome.  Probably more awesome than you.  Definitely more awesome than me.  Now if you'll excuse me, the girls and I are off to loot some curbside drop offs. (like princesses)


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